Dear Automatic Toilet

I just wanted to let you know I wasn’t done when you decided to prematurely flush and send your toilet water spraying all over my unmentionables. I was just bending forward to grab the toilet paper from the guts of the dispenser. Not to make light of the situation, but I’m pretty sure what you

In the Beginning

There was LiveJournal, and it was bad. If you didn’t have a LiveJournal, you were probably well-adjusted and didn’t suffer through “I can’t see through my bangs,” too much eyeliner, clumpy mascara, and/or none of your blacks matched because they all fade at different rates stages of adolescence. You. Lucky. Bastard. I never really got